Ok, how does she not see this? It's happening like three feet away from her. The dog is LICKING the duck! So awesome. I sort of want to bust the little bastard, but I don't want to cause a huge scene. She's been working on that duck since yesterday. It's been a non-stop chore for her: basting, baking, stuffing, basting again, checking, adjusting, checking, rubbing, checking, checking, checking again.. It's like that duck is in Intensive Care and she's the nurse. You turn your back for five minutes, and that thing is as good as dead. Again.
She loves it, though. She always has. This is her big show. This is where she shines. She's wearing her favorite apron, rushing around the kitchen like she's on Iron Chef. She looks and acts stressed, but you can hear in her voice that she's having the time of her life. She answers questions in that mom-esque sing-songy way.
"Mom, how much longer until dinner?"
"About three HOU-rs hoooooney!"
And then there's the dog. What a sneaky little bastard he is. He's been watching her all day like a lion, stalking a gazelle. Waiting, waiting, waiting for her to let her guard down. He's watched every little move and tried to find his angle, never getting frustrated and never losing focus. He waits. He waits some more. She turns around to mash some potatoes and BLAM! He goes for it. Except instead of tearing ass across the desert to a crescendo of bongo drums, taking down the duck in one grand kill move, this little fuck just sidles up behind her, stands on his back legs, and goes to work licking the damn duck silently, right behind her back.
If I hadn't been there when you had them removed, I'd say you've got a lot of balls on you, my hairy little friend.
So what now? I am definitely not saying anything. Let her serve the damn duck. They deserve it anyway. Assholes. Sitting in there on their fat asses watching some stupid game while she slaves away all day. YES I KNOW I SAID SHE LOVES IT, but still. Fuck them. I'll just fake a stomach ache and eat some potato chips while they all chow down on mom's famous succulent duck, basted with dog drool. It'll be a hit as always and mom will be the star of her show again.
God, I hate Christmas.