Daily Writers is a new thing I'm trying out at node.nerdist.com. They give you a topic every day and you write for 10 minutes about it. This is my first submission.
Water Bottle
Where in the FUCK is my water bottle? It was right here, on the little table, right by the front door, where it ALWAYS IS. God dammit, this is driving me crazy. WHY ISN'T IT HERE? It's always here.
How the hell am I supposed to take the dog to the park if I don't have water? I mean... there are those fountains at the park but I don't know if I can... ugh... no fucking way I'm drinking from one of those things. I'm sure homeless people put their mouths on the spigot. No thank you, Hepatitis. Not interested.
Come fucking ON! It was RIGHT HERE. I came back from walking the dog last night, drank the last of the water in the bottle, and put it on the little table, right by the front door, with my keys. There are my keys, so where the fuck is my fucking water bottle?? GOD FUCKING DAMMIT.
The sun is starting to go down. Do I really want to deal with trying to walk the dog back through the Mission on a Friday night after the sun goes down and all the freaks are out? That's easy. NO. I'm not going anywhere without my water though. That'd just be ridiculous.
The store on the corner sells water, but screw that. It's the principle. I have a water bottle so that I don't have to buy bottles of water. I'm certainly not going to be the only dick walking the streets of San Francisco with a PLASTIC water bottle! I'd be the scourge of the city! No way. I did not spend $20 on a water bottle to be scourge. I know it's here somewhere. THINK, Steve... where's your water bottle?
The dog is starting to get crazy. He knows it's time for walkies. He couldn't care less about how much water we have on board. That's just not how he works. He'd rather just get going and solve problems like water along the way. That's why I'm the master and you're the subservient pet, man. I have the ability to plan for problems such as thirst, where you're just going to run yourself crazy in the park and then come up to me with your stupid pink tongue lolling everywhere and put it on me to make sure you're hydrated.
I need to find this bottle, or my dog will die of dehydration. I don't want that on my head. AND WHAT ABOUT ME? I get thirsty too. Oh god, I can feel my tonsils. Am I starting to get a headache? WHERE THE FUCK IS THE FUCKING WATER BOTTLE?
You know what? Screw it. I tried. I can't be expected to just go forth in to the city without water. That's not reasonable. But... the bottle's not here, so forget it. You win, Universe. I tried to be a good pet owner, but clearly it's not in the cards for tonight. Sorry, dog. Guess you'll just have to figure out some other way to entertain yourself. I'm going to watch Jeopardy and eat a burrito. No fucking idea what I'll wash that down with, because someone has clearly broken in to my fucking house, and stolen my fucking water bottle. God dammit.
Oh wait. I think it's in the car! Yes! It's in the car!!
I'm not going all the way out to the car, though. Just... forget it.
